This is a guest article by Tomas Stanislavski, from Sex Positive People. Tomas has co-facilitated Primal Love workshops at HYA Yoga, with rave reviews. The next Primal Love workshop is on 27th October, 2018. See the HYA Facebook page for more info.


Living a life of desire is a constant practice of self awareness, acceptance and choice to express or not express your desire in your home, relationship and workplace. Being able to listen to the inner flame of desire is a skill that most of us have lost and suffer greatly because of it.

There is much fear that’s been wound around speaking desire. As kids it wasn’t uncommon for our generation to become familiar with words such as “don’t”, “stop that” and “wait till your father gets home”. Our inner flame gets doused way too early in my opinion and it take years of unravelling to come back to wholeness.

The symptoms of experiences that lack desire:

  • Not thinking you are worth having what you want
  • Making other peoples needs and desires more important than your own or another way to put, is being need-less and want- less
  • Being lost without the approval of your closest confidants
  • Feeling a sense of lack
  • Poor body image

And my personal favourite or life challenge…

  • Not being good enough, fit enough, smart enough, strong enough, spiritual enough

Desire is the gravity of our experience, without it you couldn’t set goals, strive for achievement, relate to others, save money or orgasm. Coming back to Desire is a direct route to wholeness. The wholeness we knew as children, the innocent flame that connects us to ourselves, the fire that emancipates creativity, birth and death.

We are bound by invisible codes that rule us. Our current operating system was designed and uploaded at a time when the world was oblivious to the freedom we have the potential to live with today. Our parents imposed beliefs, values and systems of communication that are long overdue for an upgrade and desire is the key to unlocking your own, newer, upgraded IOS 10. YOU.

And the first step is owning where you’re at.

Awareness and acceptance are two fundamental principals of a solid desire yoga practice.

The third piece is choice. To choose whether you will stay the same or that you want to change.

Now this is a peculiar predicament for most. We have no idea that there’s more apart from a hunch that it’s possible but with zero idea how to get there. One can’t possibly create change from the current level of thinking and awareness that one has. One must search outside of ourselves for that change. But the big kicker is that change and all the answers lives within us.

Undertaking a life steeped in desire will be the most confusing path you will encounter until you become familiar with the unfamiliar. Certain in uncertainty and comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Desire is also the thing you’ve avoided your whole life. It has its own intelligence that can be tapped into when practitioners of desire yoga undertake the process of surrender.

Surrender to the faith that you have all the answers within you and for those starting out the keen acuity to hear that tiny voice, without judgement or fear and with the reverence and respect for your own power and your own infinite intelligence.

Try this…

Next time you ask for something, know that you deserve it. Have faith that you are valuable enough to have it exactly how you want it, because you are and you can.

I’ve made it my life’s practice and it was humbling at the beginning, embarrassing and frightening. Sending back a meal at a restaurant because it wasn’t what I asked for, challenged my cultural upbringing. Asking my partner for sex, challenged gender beliefs around being a giver and a provider for my partner. Asking my wife, at the time, for more intimacy and emotional connection, made me realise that I chose the wrong woman when she didn’t share the same values. Leaving full time employment to study desire, sexuality and human relational dynamics had my family lose trust and faith that I would live up to their expectations.

But all of this showed me where I abandoned myself and my deeper truths for other people’s values and beliefs.

I chose my truth, my desire. And chose to live in accordance to my own inner wisdom. And I’ve never been happier, more fulfilled and experienced more joy as I do now.